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[05 Nov 2004|01:58pm] |
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Atreyu - The Crimson |
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hey......not been upto much at all, just looking after the wee steveo
how exciting lol...went back on anti-depressants, i think they are starting to work already :S i dont seem to feel as down which is good but im still writing songs n stuff, actually heres the latest one:
"Blinded"
i've got a right to live.........
so why won't you let me live?
i'm so sick and tired.........
so....exausted from trying
to fix what just can't be fixed!!!
[ chorus ]
i dont know what to do
i cant see clearly anymore
you've blinded me beyond help
and there's no treatmeant.......
for what you have done!!
it hurts so bad just to breathe
it hurts so much just to live
and you will never know........
the pain i hold inside
and sometimes i wonder how
i am still breathing
[ chorus ]
i dont know what to do
i cant see clearly anymore
you've blinded me beyond help
and there's no treatmeant.......
for what you have done!!
one day you will understand
how it feels to be like this.......
i can't hide the pain anymore
im starting to burst from the seams
do you see what you have done to me?
does it not pain you to look at me?
well it pains me to even think of you!!!
you've blinded me beyond help
and there's no treatmeant
for what you have done to me!!!!!!!!!!
what do ya think?
"I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day..."
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| ''The Feeling of Feeling'' |
[13 Apr 2004|07:28pm] |
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Breed 77 - The River |
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i need to get back that feeling of feeling
iv lost it in the midst of all my life............
buried, under a sea of Pain!!!! (chorus)(x2)
if i painted you a picture
would you then understand?
i dont feel the blood in my veins
nor the love in my heart
i remember how i used to be....
[ chorus ]
sitting here, remembering how i used to be
sitting here, wishing i was like that again....
why, am i like this?...... and
why, do i feel nothing?
[ chorus ]
im just a shadow of what i used to be
when i look into a mirror
i see nothing, nothing but a broken man
and hes bleeding from his heart and soul
i need to get back feeling of feeling
iv lost it in the midst of all my life.....
its buried, buried under a sea of pain, misery and sorrow!!!
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| One of my latest songs: 'Hollow' |
[08 Feb 2004|03:35pm] |
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Empty |
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36 Crazyfists - Slit Wrist Theory' |
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HOLLOW:
[ chorus ]
i feel hollow to the point of non-existence
your screams are defening me....
your cries are hurting me........
i still here them in my head....
they are killing me.....killing me
they are killing me!!!!---
razor blade in hand, death in mind
im not just depressed anymore
depressed has become apart of my personality...
this pain will never go away-------
and here i am, feeling like this once again
i dont think you realise
just how i feel right now...........
youve killed me inside
youve hurt me soo much
youve tortured my soul for too long!!!
I FEEL SOO FUCKIN' HOLLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Baby, Talk Is Cheap!!!! |
[12 Jan 2004|05:13am] |
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None - Watching Sex and The City!!! |
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Hey everyone.... im just watching Sex and The City with my girlfriend leanne :D tis fun!!! not done much today, actually i dont nothing, lol... i slept all day since my gf went out!!! then when i woke up i watched the football - Man Utd Vs Newcastle Utd 0-0... and that was my day, LOL, how boring is that!! i need a job soo badly, i just can't seem to get off my ass and get one!!! altho i guess it aint too bad since i get my JSA 2moro, its only 80 or so pound but hey....its money!!!! well my gf got a new fone today, only a wee crappy one coz she soaked her last one...so did i, lol, its quite weird not having a fone!! i think im going into town 2moro really early to buy some videos, im gonna see if i can get the 'Stand By Me' vid, i love that film soo much :D and see if they have any LostProphets and Funeral For A Friend tickets left, if they have im gonna get 2 LostProphets tics for me and my gf!!!! arghhhh iv got such a bad toothache just now :( its soo painful, i need to go to the dentist soon, but i hate it so much....im a scared, LOL. anyways gonna go play Total Club Manager 2004 now!!! bubyess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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| Hmmmm....... |
[10 Jan 2004|04:04am] |
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None - watching 'Secratery' the film |
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hey everyone....
not updated in ages, so here goes.......
well not actually been doing much at all lately, been out for a few drinks etc..
went to my gf's 20th, that was quite good, mick and sharon were up last night but that was fuckin' shite!!!! they were bein a bit of an arse!!!
also went out to sharons 18th a few weeks ago, that was quite fun too!!!
apart from going out and sittin in and gettin drunk i havent been upto much, lazing about the house, just applied to 2 jobs locally, two fish shops, need a job soo badly!!
me and leanne are just sitting watchin this weird film 'Secratery', its really weird, lol!!! anyways gonna go..................
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| "I just wanna touch you, I just wanna Fuck you" |
[03 Nov 2003|10:26pm] |
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music |
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Ill Nino - If You Still Hate Me =D |
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btw the subject title is lyrics of out the song im listeniing to =D gr8 song...very true tho if leannes reading this ;) iv had the flu the past couple of dayz...but on a good note leanne stayed over at the wkend and it was extremely FUN :P iv done pretty much nuffin all day...but heres what i done: went wiv my mum to the chemist for cold stuff, got a nasal spray and flu capsules! apart from that just been listening to music, watchin t.v, and playing jasper all day (the cat, altho considered more a family member, lol) been changing my profiles and stuff abit on bolt and livejournal all day...
iv got my evanescence gig 2moro, need to take mick's little sis to that and im meetin up with david king as well, i might see that guy i met at bfs coz hes goin to that! then on wednesday im seeing leanne again...but this time shes staying over for longer =D speaking of leanne, u havent replied to my text yet tut tut, lol. "i will freeze and distort all your dreams" just listening to ill nino - life...lifeless, such a gd song...there amazing life btw. went to see them, spineshank and chimaira last friday =D oh oh oh linkin park is only a few weeks away, omg thats gonna be so awesome. i dunno if i should still go to evanescence 2moro if i still av the cold? :s help me pweese *cries* i fuckin hate the cold! i just seem to babbling on now, so im gonna go and fone leanne and then watchj the tennanbaums (if thats how u spell it lol) byee xxx
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| "LACERATIONS!" |
[27 Oct 2003|06:16pm] |
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 enraged |
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music |
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Ill Nino - Confession! =D |
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i was just your toy...
your experiment...
your puppet...
dont fuck with me...
or ill kill you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can you see the scars you've created?
can you see how deep the laceration bleeds?
can you see my emotions bleed?
can you see the blood pour from my eyes?
i fuckin' hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!
im trying not to point any fingers, but...
its soo hard when its all your fault
how can i make you see?
the damage you have inflicted
die bitch, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can you see the scars you've created?
can you see how deep the laceration bleeds?
can you see my emotions bleed?
can you see the blood pour from my eyes?
i fuckin' hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel as if you've slit my heart open...
and left me here to bleed...
iv seen your future, and its as empty...
as my fuckin' HEART!!!!!!
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| " I took what i hated, And made it a part of me " |
[27 Oct 2003|12:05pm] |
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Linkin Park - Figure.09 |
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heya :) not bn upto much lately cept staying at leannes last nite which was fun =D mick was staying at my house at the wkend! my mum picked me up from lee's today and we went to hand in her time sheets for her job, then i went to iceland to get sum food wiv my whole 7 quid in my solo card =D not gonna do much today or 2moro i dont think :s im going to the bfs gig in edinburgh on wednesday with mick! should be fun, moneys abit tight tho, hmm...i think mick or my mum is gonna lend me the money for bfs tho! "what goes up will surely fall" la de da...im listening to linkin park - hit the floor, woo! anyways thats bout it, so......ta ta xxx
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| Hold My Head When I Die... |
[24 Oct 2003|05:59pm] |
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Breed 77 - La Ultima Hora |
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hey there world...just woke up! and its 4 in the afternoon, lol. got nuffin planned today, not doing anything till sunday me thinks, going round to leannes on sunday =D "will i be awake...hold my head when i die!" just listening to breed 77 - la ultima hora! :) i got a feeling tonight wont be a gd nite, i.e a sad/depressing night! just coz no ones here apart from my mum, lol, and i get like that :s ill most probs just play tcm 2003 all night, that'll keep me busy ;) mick stayed over last night, thats all we done all nite, play tcm that is...oh and leanne he said he would cum to that party were goin to on the 8th is it? :s i went up the town wiv him yesterday to get my spike in my lip, and to see how much the trapt album was....its 16.99, the cheek! xxx
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| =D happy for a change |
[20 Oct 2003|11:11am] |
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grateful |
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Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes |
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hey just listening to limp bizkits new song, its really gd :) goin to bed soon, coz i didnt get much sleep last night, all leannes fault ;) lol only kidding! not doing much today..apart from going to the job centre wiv my mum! need a job soon, will have a house wiv leanne sooner than i thought hopefullt =D anyways gonna go.... xxxxxXxxxxxx
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| "i need someone here to help me!" |
[17 Oct 2003|09:30pm] |
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mood |
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moody |
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Staind - For You |
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"i feel like..... sometimes....."
i feel like i cant take this strain any longer...
i feel like iv been stretched beyond my means...
i feel like total shit...
i feel like theres no point anymore....
i feel like no one will ever understand what im going through even tho
i know people go through this everyday too...
i feel like im not needed anymore...
i feel like my mind is about to explode...
sometimes i think what it would be like to die...
sometimes i think who i am...
sometimes i think who really knows the real and true stephen muir...
sometimes i think i may as well die...
sometimes i think i'm already dead...
sometimes i think........
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| Pffffftttt.... |
[16 Oct 2003|11:33pm] |
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Iggy Pop ft. Sum 41 - Little Know It All |
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hey...guess what? the saga continues...still having my 'bad week', as u can probs tell by my last entry, quite depressing i know! :( i cant seem to control it lately :s it just seems to be taking over me! i seriously need help, but i cant ask and i dont want it :s fucked i know :( anyways gonna go for a bath and drown in my self loathing *cries* xxxx
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| Stuff i wrote in my note pad tonight about me... |
[16 Oct 2003|05:02am] |
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Trapt - Made of Glass |
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"im so sick of feeling like this, i dont think i can take another day of it. i just might slit my wrists and drown in my blood. i just cant carry on this way, i just like... nothing.
i just feel like no one cares, im not needed and if it wasnt for one person id be dead and gone by now. sometimes i think whats the point? all this pain just to live a life thats going no where anyway.
the only thing i fear is God and Death, i used to fear rejection but iv confronted that fear so many times i no longer fear this.
i just feel like falling to my knees, surrendering to the almighty and begging him to take away my pain and my life.
i just feel like opening up my soul, and let the darkness cover me, and never leave. i feel like this pain wont end, and will haunt me for the rest of my days untill iv left this place of pain and suffering.
i feel like i could kill myself right now, slit my throat without a second thought. drown in my sea of hate & pain. i just feel like im killing myself slowly day by day, torturing myself with this pain.
i simply abhor everyone and everything walking this earth with a few exceptions, what i feel wont go away, time certainly wont heal these wounds, time wont erase my pain.
i feel like giving in, giving up, surrendering. its eating me up inside, its quickly catching up with me - the darkness of my past.
no one knows who i am, i dont even know who i am, im fucked up in the head. i wish i could release this pain, just let it fly away.
i just feel like im worthless and unwanted, i just feel like locking myself in my room and never, ever coming out, just letting the darkness devour me. swallow me up and spit me out, just like the stupid worthless piece of crap that i am, its no more than i deserve."
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| *Sighs* |
[15 Oct 2003|10:59pm] |
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Trapt - Still Frame |
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hey there...
looks like my off week is still goin strong! had another awful day, been thinkin about goin back my tablets! dunno...i just really cant take much more of this, its just too much for me to handle...its gotten soo bad that today i just felt like crying constantly, i felt like it about 5 times today :( it soooo sux *cries* see what i mean! yeah my mum came back today from england (not a gd thing) im soo sick of arguing wiv her, i wish me and leanne had a flat already, hopefully it will be soon! love you babes ;) soz for bein kinda bitchy today *hugs* i think im just gonna go into town 2moro and buy an album, that can be my event of the day...i might go to jobcentre and sign on, at least thats abit of money every 2 weeks! i think my friend michael is coming over to stay on friday nite but i aint counting on it...i think im just expecting rejection in all aspects of my life right now, i seem to be more negatibe than usual, omg i didnt think that was possible :o anyways ill leave yous now to think how much of an ass i am... xxx
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| Pft... |
[15 Oct 2003|12:03am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Staind - For You |
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hey there people, this is my first update on lj...not gonna be a very happy one in afraid, so here goes...
well first off im having an off day, or rather an off week or so, just have been feeling like nothing lately, i just feel like locking myself in my room forever and never coming out, im just so sick of everything and everyone cept my gf of course ;) i cant wait till i move out of this house and get one wiv my gf :D that'll be soon-ish hopefully! im sick of my mum, actually i havent been arguing wiv her that much lately, shock horrow :O just listening to staind =D my aaron hehe! so bored, but just so energyless i cant move, i actually think im gonna stay up all nite listening to music and doin shit on the comp! *its been i can say iv luved myself aswell* thats my aaron saying what iv been thinkin, staind always tend to do that! anyways yous know how fucked up i am now, so no need to talk to me! bye :( xxx
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